Leaving Speech (June 09)

I don:t want to give this speech. I don:t really know quite where to start. How can 5 minutes sum up my time here? It can’t. I remember my first image of Yamagata. Before I came, I looked it up on the map, found it in Lonely Planet, read a bit about it and thought, “well now, that sounds pretty cool!” Yamagata didn’t hold any significance to me other than the name of a place in a foreign land that I was about to experience for the first time. Actually, I was a little disappointed to be placed in Yamagata because I had originally wanted to be in the Kansai area where the Shingon Buddhism sects were from. I thought they would be interesting to study. I got the welcome pack and became a little more excited, but was also sad to leave my friends and family back home. I had a great life at home and was just beginning a serious relationship, had a great job that I enjoyed and was passionate about, and was getting into rock climbing more seriously. It seemed like I was leaving at the wrong time. I was also disappointed to be teaching high school. What about all the cute little kids that you see in pictures from all the other foreigners who teach English in Japan? I wanted to be in the pictures with the cute Japanese kids too! I was used to young students, and was a little intimidated to be teaching High School. But I sucked it up and tried to get myself excited about teaching high schoolers… “you can have real friendships with students, and talk to them about stuff” “they will be quiet and listen to you in class” …. “they wont be blowing their noses on you all day!”. These reasons sufficed and my excitement grew as my sadness to leave diminished. I didn’t know quite what to expect. Later I would learn that you never really do know quite what to expect, even after 2 years of living here.
I stepped out of the airport into the hot, fresh Narita air. I felt like I was a part of a herd of sheep being shuttled, I just wanted to get to my little town in the north and get out of the orientation! 3 days later, as our silver bullet of terror came out of the clouds for landing, I caught my first glimpse of home: Mountains and Rice Fields. Immediately I was happy and excited and nervous all at the same time. Off the plane, I immediately met my supervisor and another English teacher. I was so nervous about speaking Japanese to real Japanese people! It was my first time to speak to Japanese people in Japanese. Eating lunch at Cherryland with them was even more disorienting….I was too excited and nervous to be hungry, was it rude if I didn’t finish my food? What was the slimy stuff I had to eat? I didn’t ask, and ate it all for fear of offending them. After lunch, we got famous Cherryland ice cream to wash down all the slime and various sea creatures I had just consumed. It was delicious. Then we arrived at my apartment. It was much bigger than I expected! But where was the bed? And how was I supposed to shower? Which one was shampoo and which was conditioner? I was left alone. No welcome party, no drunken stupor to ease the feelings of “holy crap what have I done and how did I get here”. It was just me and Japan.
Me and Japan have come a long way since then. I have learned that I can use the whole bathroom space to shower and I don’t have to hold the shower head whilst doing it. I can go to the bank and get things done. I can get a new license on my own. I can check the weather in Japanese on my keitai, and make doctors appointments. I can have a friendly chat with the ladies in the ofuro at the gym. I can have a casual conversation with students, and buy concert tickets at Lawsons. I can teach classes on my own. I have made many friendships, and many many memories. But most of all, I am not longer afraid to speak Japanese to real Japanese people. Yamagata will no longer just be the face on the map to me. It will be my face as it has shaped me. Two years of memories, of cultural conditioning, of “Let’s enjoying”. Laugh wrinkles and worry lines, happy drunken scars and dimpled memories. Thank you Japan, thank you for shaping me and making me grow. For making me step into something new and fresh and not remaining in my comfort bubble. For making me know myself and others. Thank you for all the relationships, the bike rides, the slimy foods, the hikes, the tortured English conversations with students, the conversations through body language, and the conversations through the eyes. For the record, I have never looked into Shingon Buddhism once since I got here. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Thank you Yamagata. Yamagata equalzu no regrets!!!!!!!!