Pictures, remnants, writing without a purpose

5 classes tomorrow. Both a blessing and a curse. I've been a little depressed lately. Sometimes its Japan, sometimes its because I feel lonely here. There has been a real loss of friends this year and I feel like there is really just 1 or 2 people whom I can really count on. Other friends have removed themselves from my life and I feel a bit of bewilderment. I haven't made much of an effor to talk to the teachers at Arato thus I haven't been invited to many enkais lately. Which could be a good thing considering the costs. I think I need to go away for a bit and come back. I am happy with the work I have been doing but at school I am usually just ready to leave so I can do my after school activities. I'm really trying to enjoy my time here and the school festival was good for that. Also, hiking in the fall gets 5 stars. Its absolutely beautiful. But the thing that keeps me running these days is weekends and thoughts of my life when I'm ready to move on. I sent out a request for information about a graduate school for OT in Portland and they very promptly replied and asked for my transcripts/prereqs, etc. Wow! I wasn't ready for those realities yet! Emily told the owner of the Nepalese restaurant (Laxmi) about my (our?) potential plans for going to Nepal for a few months and that seemed to solidify those ideas in my head as well. I didn't want to mention those things to him or many people, but as I hear myself saying them more and more, they become more concrete possibilities in my mind.

Here is a picture of the rice field we planted and harvested.

Yamabushi!!

Here is an entry about my Yamabushi Training…I have written reflections along with some of my journal entries during the pilgrimage. I have cut out large chunks of details to keep the Yamabushi Training secret.

Yamabushi training was much easier than I expected. I arrived in a room full of Japanese people trying to dress themselves in the Yamabushi costume. I had no idea what to expect. Nor did I have any idea how to put on the funny costume.
I can:t really mention much about the training because it is supposed to be kept a secret. I sealed the secrecy by putting my thumbprint in the sacred book in a secret ceremony in the middle of the night. I will say what is already widely known about it. Yamabushi training comes from the Shugendo religion. Hachiko (no ogi) was the founder. The religion venerates nature and incorporates Buddhism with Shinto. And I think there may be a little bit of Daoism thrown in the mix. It is a branch of the esoteric Shingon religion and places emphasis on training and ascetic practices. [During the Meiji Era, Buddhism was forced to separate from Shinto and this is one of the few existing sects that still practice them together].
Anyways, I had a vague familiarity with this before I started, but really researched it after I finished. Luckily a few people spoke English and they explained a few things about the religion to me. I didn`t really know what I was getting myself into, all I really knew was that I wanted to go hike the 3 sacred mountains with other pilgrims and stand under freezing waterfalls and just experience life―not necessarily find anything. After all, This is part of what I came here for, wasn't it?
The group was mostly made up with older women. The youngest girl there was a student (21 years old). For 4 days I felt like a pet to all the obachans (older women) who continuously fixed my costume, corrected my mistakes, and generally tried to make everything about me more Japanese so I could fit in. There is a saying in Japan: "the nail that doesn't fit, gets hammered down". (or something like that) Anyways, I was the non-fitting nail. By day 4, I was more closely aligned with the other nails, yet still a bit abnormal. Being the only foreigner, that seemed natural.
On the last day the male monks chose me to carry the sacred tree branch, which they put in the ground somewhere. Keep in mind that I am not entirely sure or aware of the meanings of all the things we did and rituals we performed. I have a general fuzzy idea at best. Usually only after the fact do I figure out the significance of my actions. Anyways, I was pleased that I got to help perform this ritual. There was a lot of chanting that was pretty hard to keep up with because it was all written in cursive Japanese that I can only read slowly.



1st day of training
Haguro san. Lots of breaks were taken so we could pray. There were tons of photographers!! No idea where those pictures are now. Also we had a much larger meal then I expected. Potato, fried/boiled tofu, some kind of vegetable, and rice+miso! I was trying to enjoy my meal slowly, think of every bite as I chewed, and contemplate the various people who worked so that such food could be before me. Aki looks over at me…”Hurry up!!!!” she says with urgency. This was epitome of the Japanese meal—speed eating! Even while “fasting,” and “training,” we were speed eating! It blew my mind. No food meditation for me!
2nd day
On this day, I am disappointed by the large amounts of rice we are forced to consume. It is far too much rice for me and I try to pass it off on others but sometimes I am too late. It looks really bad if I don’t finish my rice too, so I have to finish. ......

There is a women here who thinks I know more Japanese than I do and she is always trying to help me. It is very sweet but I feel bad because sometimes I don’t understand her. She goes through great efforts to try to explain to me—the big buffoon gaijin! I do appreciate many of her explanations.


Yudono san was the most sacred of the 3 mountains of Dewa Sanzan and a place that people weren’t supposed to talk about…Not surprisingly…this was my favorite day of the trip. The day of rebirth. Living in Japan I’ve gotten used to having no idea what to expect next or having no schedule of events. I thought we were going to have a difficult hike up Yudono san and go to the very top but it turns out that it’s a rather easy mountain and now you can drive up it. We didn’t go the car route though. We went through an old, overgrown shrine trail through the river. Wearing our white pilgrim costumes we hiked through the river, scrambled up the rocks, and up the lush mountainside, clapping at shrines and beautiful kami-inspired scenery along the way. Some of the older Obachans elected to walk along the easy car route though. I kept wondering at every waterfall-was this the freezing waterfall that we were going to stand under? It never was. We came to the abode of the main deity of Yudono san. It resides in a large rust colored rock from the top of which a spring of hot water flows. The rock itself was impressive and it was nice to walk up it. After some chanting and praying, it was time for our rebirth in the falls. I was ready. Until I actually felt how cold the water was. Hiking though the river at the bottom wasn’t so bad, but this water seemed to have come from another source! It was freezing! A kind of unpleasant, numbing freeze. I couldn’t stand to have my feet in it for long so I tried to avoid it, but then it was my turn. I went in. The priests stayed in the water the entire time to chant with us and (bless us??) I’m not entirely sure what they were saying, nor how they managed to stand for so long in the water! The priest stood behind me, as I was submerged below the water, he was chanting things. He made some sort of symbol on my back with his hands. Then I joined another woman and we went under the falls together chanting “Kami Hari Domo Kami Hari Domo Kami Hari Domo”. The falls were freezing but when I was in, it was ok. I wanted to do it again. It was an incredible feeling. One uber zealous woman went in almost 5 times!! The whole Yudono san experience makes me want to do the pilgrimage again next year. I really did feel reborn. The namban—pepper smoke, midnight wake-ups, and speed eating, I could do without.


At Yudono san the Buddhas are at the left of the sacred rust colored rock. To take part in the ritual in which you stick a paper doll to the cliffside where water trickles down you had to have paid extra money to be a special pilgrim. Later I read that the this place is where the ancestral spirits who are now considered to be “buddhas” come into spiritual contact with those who perform the offerings.


Summary of my thoughts on this religion―clap twice at things beautiful in nature and you will find God. Purify yourself and don:t forget the Kami. My God moment came when I watched the sunset with another older Japanese woman and then we had a nice hug afterwards. No words were exchanged. It was truly the best hug from a Japanese person that I have ever given/received.

Shall we tak over a cup of wine?

So its been a great 3 day weekend.
"Whats food is famous in England" "ORANGE"
Team All Night Dance Party (That was us)
Team Hotta Potta Senior. Where do they get this English?
Team We Are Women. Team Baseball Captain.
Chris had a pet squirrel named Toby/Judy.

"nice couple". "This is Ohnuki" Penis shaped snowman = masturbatory gestures.
"opapapapapapapotato"
"yes please my asshole"
And the winners of our pub quizz got delicious marmite sandwiches. hahah

long time no blog

Well, Fall is here.
Students are going crazy. One student came into the teachers room (during forbidden entrance time because of test preparations) and pushed a teacher beacuse he was very angry. I don:t really know the full explanation because it wasn:t really an appropriate time to ask. [Such an action is VERY unusual for a Japanese student]. Then yesterday another student, who is my table tennis buddy, had a hyperventillation breakdown. All the teachers rushed to surround her. She was in the hallway or bathroom. I didn:t go, but I did ask for an explanation this time. The teacher told me it was probably because of friends fighting. What is going on in my school?! All of the teachers know the students on this intimate level. But I only get a few glimpese into whats happening from stuff that occurs in front of me, one of the part time JTEs, and occasionally from the Chinese student who comes to talk to me and tell me how much he hates the school and wants to go to America! He said to me the other day that he thought Japanese people were cold! I was very surprised but at the same time, I can see where he is coming from as an Asian outsider meant to assimilate their culture. They might not be as accepting of him, whereas with me, they accept me as an outsider who will remain an outsider. No threat from this blonde haired blue eyed camp folks!!
I am at a roadblock with my Japanese. I recently put kerosene fuel in my car and realized it after I had filled it about 5 liters. Luckily, they were able to drain my car with no problems. Because I realized it early and didnt start the engine, the fuel didn:t enter the system, so I saved alot of money. Speaking with the gas attendants, I realized though, that my Japanese is nowhere near where it should be. And with my family coming in a few months, I had better start absorbing faster!
My gas gauge was broken after they emptied the tank, so they told me to go to the car shop and when I suggested it was the gas people that broke it when they emptied the tank they said "no no no, its definately because your car is 20 years old....there is no other explanation!" What?!?! This is one of the frustrating things about not being able to speak. I had my Japanese mama with me so she helped out alot, but everything had to go through her and she agreed with the mechanic, so it was useless. Her English isn:t that good so most of the time I only partially understand her. And the English she does speak is just like the Japanese I speak.
Anyways, they didn:t want to fix the gas gauge and so they keep telling me to use the odometer and then they reset it and so now I have no idea how much gas is in my car!
In other news, I went on a cool religious pilgrimage for 4 days at the beginning of September. I will post a blog about some parts of it, but I was sworn for secrecy so I have to be selective with what I write!

June 24th email

Leg blankets have been replaced with fans, the vending machines now have more cold drinks than hot, school uniforms have changed (but the skirts remain hiked up), the sun is setting later, bugs are emerging, the 100yen store is selling fireworks and waterguns and "atsui" is the new favored expression in the staff room. Summer is here. Its cherry picking season in Yamagata. Many prefectures in Japan are famous for a certain type of food. Whether these designations are arbitrary or business-driven, I don:t know. While I do think some prefectures have some legitimate bragging rights, sometimes it seems rather random. My prefecture happens to be famous for cherries. And our cherries are expensive!!! I had my first taste of Yamagata cherries as my reward for participating in the Higashine Sakuranbo Marathon. They were delicious but nothing seemed particularly special about them. To me, they were just cherries. Not really worth the $30-$40 a box price. The real fun lies in the cherry picking. Which I got to do last week with a Japanese friend. [I will preface this story by saying that lately I have been hanging with two older, unmarried Japanese women in their 50s who seem to be older, wiser, versions of 2 different sides of my personality―one loves hiking, gardening, and Bob Dylan; the other one loves beer, stupid jokes, and can get crazy and semi-naked]. I went cherry picking with the crazy one.

She picked me up in her black air-conditioned car and her, and Amy (another Japanese woman) and I went to the cherry trees. She buys her own tree every year―which costs around $300 a year. Rich Tokyo folks will spend up to $700 on a tree and then they have to come up to Yamagata to pick the cherries. So, we went to her tree and I climbed and started picking. 5-10 minutes later her and Amy took cigarette breaks and started talking their friend who worked at the place. The were calling him "gigi" (old man) and he was firing back with the name calling. I climbed down. We started throwing cherries at him. He brought us some sour cherries to eat. More name calling and cherry throwing ensued. I went back up and picked a little more but then Amy and Chiaki (my friend) had had enough. We left and then sorted and boxed cherries to send to customers and family in Tokyo. I now have a deeper appreciation of Japan's need to have and exploit local specialties. Its about the experience.

In other rumors and news, tomorrow there is supposed to be a large earthquake that will destroy large parts of Yamagata prefecture. Rumor has it that predictions have been made by Chinese Astrologists, a random medicine woman in Mexico, and a group of Brazilian midgets. It is a bit disconcerting considering the recent earthquake in China and the 7.8 earthquake we had in Northern Japan last weekend (I felt the earthquake as a 4 in my town). Today we are supposed to have emergency drills―but I think these drills are just coincidence. And my friend who was recently in Tokyo told me that a couple people in Tokyo asked her if she was in Tokyo to escape the big earthquake that was supposed to happen. Ridiculous. I don:t really believe it. But if I don:t reply tomorrow…

Not much else is happening around here, I keep busy during the weeks and on weekends. It is a little weird to still be in school this late in June. I used to think the 3rd, 4th and 5th year JETs were crazy―how could they stay away from their family and friends for so long? But now I get it. This country is incredibly easy to live in and when you build your life here, it becomes hard to leave it. However, the job as an ALT is what drives people away after the standard 2 year stint. Depressing winter months with no classes, the inability to see the student's progress, little to no job autonomy, being consistently kept in the dark about some things, and generally―you are just an outsider and an assistant at that. However, it can be really FUN! Not to mention all the Japanese responsibilities that are forgone precisely because of your foreign assistant status. I can go to sports clubs and play sports with the students and I don't have to work every weekend like many of the club teachers. Many ALTs leave because they want more job responsibility, not because of Japan.

Elementary School, Earthquakes, and Rocky LSATS

I went to Elementary school today and absolutely loved it. Although I think I would probably tire of it if I had to do it every single day of the week. The kids are so much happier than the high schoolers and they all love to participate!! They also grabbed my hand and took me to play with them and asked me tons of questions in Japanese...What a change! I love it. I wish I could get more random elementary days. Its also interesting to see the students at a much younger level and to imagine which of the current high school student personalities they will eventually morph into: the lackadasical student, the eager student, the reclusive student, the painfully shy student, the ADD student, the perpetually asleep student, the big hair student, the overweight student, etc. I love the elementary age when they are all participating without self-consciousness although I saw some of their self-consciousness kick in when one student got the wrong answer and was reluctant to answer questions for the next 20 minutes. It can be sad to see how in high school all the students seem to form separate cliques and become viscious protectors of those clique members and how the painfully shy students (male and female) try to absorb themselves into the background. You do something to offened others in the clique and your fucked. No questions are asked, acidic stuff is said and written, that particular student's well-being is on the line. There are no explanations, it appears to be much easier just to write someone off rather than try to fix things in some cases...I can see it in the puri kuras of students whom have crossed out a picture of someone previously in the picture. I hear about it when the teachers tell me about the internet bullying which happens over kei-tais and internet blogs. These poor high school girls come into the teachers room crying sometimes. [Surprisingly, I am learning that this can still happen in your 20s, and even in your 30s!!] The phenomena of Hikikomori is unique to Japan and I think that says alot about the collective culture and just how debilitating it can be sometimes. Recently a man in Akihabara stabbed a bunch of people with a knife, I think he actually killed some people. He was arrested and is now in jail. His reasoning was that he was tired of life and he didn't like Japanese society. I was speaking with my Japanese friend about this (the Jam Lady, whom I go hiking with often) and she said "why didn't he just kill himself if he was so tired with society" "If he wanted out, he should just kill himself...thats the best way for everyone". Something about this statement seemed to sum up the Japanese viewpoint to me. It also struck a funny chord with me. It was one of those statements that you could think, "hmm, yea, I see your point" but then later think "what the hell?!!?". However, I think in this case, I was thinking "what the hell" from the very start....Anyays, I've been chewing on it for a few days. There is so much suicide in this country yet its rarely on the news and its never talked about as a problem endemic to Japan. (And while its not an endemic problem, it certainly happens more here than anywhere else!) It appears to be a widely accepted way of getting out of a troublesome situation. I realize that I have just made it through both mixed CDs from the quadlings and it is almost 1am...yikes!!! Dear Matthew Stone: Thank you for the Pearl Jam :)

pictures and happy fun time

Ah, I feel like Ive been falling behind with the blog with all that has been happening these days. Clare and I were interviewed for TV twice last weekend. Once at the shi shi festival and the next day at rice planting. I wasn:t able to actually see either of the interviews though, which is probably a good thing. At the shi shi festival the guys controlling the lion made it snap 4 times in front of my face...which is supposed to bring good luck. It was a little odd though because they were muttering to me in a deep voice and then snapping this huge head mere centimeters away from my face. In other news, random vacation days in the middle of the week a couple of weeks ago were fruitful with lots of hiking and fun. These days I feel like I could live in Japan forever. Japan is such an easy country to live in. I see why many people stay here. But, it is not home...and I do miss home. My time to visit home is quickly approaching and while I:m really looking forward to it, it will be strange to know that its probably the last time I will be in our house in Maryland because my parents are moving within the next year :(. Im also hoping to see everyone but I know in reality, time wont allow for that. My thoughts are fractured as I write this blog. A morning spent looking up international grad schools and places to volunteer/work has only proved to confuse me further by widening my possibilities for post-JET life. Do I really want to go to grad school? Where, When, Why, For What? Transient ideas fill my head, some more solidified than others. Nomadic life: is it a good thing? I frolic in the knowledge that I have another year of the Japan safety net. And as I am here, I really need to be HERE. That said...time to learning Japanese!